The week's best political jokes - 8/29/08

1. "We can't simply drill our way to energy independence if you drilled everywhere, if you drilled in all of John McCain's backyards, even the ones he doesn't know he has." –Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer

2. "Hillary Clinton gave a big speech at the Democratic Convention in support of Barack Obama. Experts say it was the longest speech ever delivered entirely through clenched teeth." --Conan O'Brien

3. "She must prove she loves America, as opposed to Republicans, who everyone knows love America. They just hate half the people living in it." –-Jon Stewart, about Michelle Obama's speech at the Democratic National Convention

4. "Check it out -- Bill Clinton and John Edwards are hitting on the same woman." - From Letterman's top ten things overheard at the Democratic Convention

5. "Hillary gave a rousing speech, it was so passionate, emotional, I'm telling you, Nancy Pelosi's face almost moved." --David Letterman

6. "And then earlier tonight, her husband Bill Clinton spoke at the convention, and what a great speech, what a tremendous speech. He got four standing ovations and five phone numbers." --David Letterman

7. "And Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi in her speech, praised Joe Biden, calling him the 'full package,' that's what she called him, that's the actual term she used, she called him the 'full package.' Now he's getting phone calls from Senator Larry Craig." --Jay Leno

8. "This Thursday, Barack Obama is going to give his acceptance speech and, reportedly, it will include performances by Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen. And they say Obama's not black enough." --Conan O'Brien

9. "The Democratic Convention is in Denver and security is tight out there. It is tighter than Nancy Pelosi's face." --David Letterman

10. "Police in Denver are getting ready for the Democratic Convention. They have ordered stun guns, barbed wire and plastic handcuffs. And that's just for Bill Clinton's room." –Craig Ferguson

11. "To my supporters, my champions — my sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits – from the bottom of my heart: Thank you." –Sen. Hillary Clinton

Thanks Annette. :)